Days 568 -608
Post date: Feb 24, 2018 9:26:34 PM
MONDAY - SATURDAY
Boy, it's been a long time, sorry. I've been busy starting a company. It has been a very faith-filled journey. I feel very blessed in my life. Everything from the idea to the recipes has been divinely inspired.
I'm proud of myself. Yet, I have to say it, as a person recovering from codependency, I feel inadequate in so many things. I feel like I'm falling behind and letting people down. I get all caught up in the things I can't do, I often forget about the things I am doing. I spend a large part of my day feeling like a failure.
Then I think about all the amazing quotes my husband sends me. The ones about only those who don't try fail. Failure is just experience. I read the words, and in a way they register, yet, I'm fighting this battle against myself.
I haven't curled up into a ball and cried. I haven't given up. No suicidal thoughts. Just fleeting moments of "I'm not good enough."
The lesson this week in my church course, Starting and Growing Your Business, is perseverance. Life isn't always going to be perfect. There will be moments of perfection, but for the most part, life is just meant to be lived.
I want to succeed in something in my life, yet I've succeeded in so many things. My children, on most days, love me. We are safe and secure, though probably moving soon. My husband and I just celebrated 25 years together and I'm going to say it, I still love him. I still like him a lot. I have two really good dogs, who are loved and feel secure. I've published books. I blog. I create amazing websites. I am kind. I am honest. I am able to love and be love. I look amazing while wearing red lipstick. I'm not a size 2, but I love my size.
It's been almost a year and a half since I've spoken to my mom. I don't miss her. I struggle with this fact. Like there's something wrong with me. Something wrong with not wanting to have someone who is so caustic in my life. I simply don't want it. I hope she is happy. I hope her life is all she wants it to be. And I wish that knowing I don't ever want to see her again. And you know what? I'm OK with that.
I'm sitting in church, getting ready for the Young Women Cake Auction and I'm excited to be here. I have no worries about the future. I know my life is in God's hands, after all, I surrendered my will to Him. Persevere. I must persevere and move forward, knowing I have successes. I am good enough. Yes, I fall short, but I pick myself up and move forward.
My goal, by my 26th Anniversary, is to sell 1,000,000 units of our new products. Sweaty, Stinky, Itchy? We have a remedy for that, and it's amazing!