Who knew sleep could be so restful? Sunday was a fast and testimony Sunday. In the past, I've usually fasted for breakfast and then after church, eaten lunch. At my in-laws ward, church didn't begin until 1 p.m., which meant we were finished around 4:00 p.m. I was stuck fasting for two meals. Or rather, I had the privilege of fasting for two meals.
I've always had a dread of arriving to church late. It has been a pet peeve of mine for so long. It seems to take my husband so LONG to get ready every Sunday. If we only have one vehicle, we are generally late to church. I think it is embarrassing because my daughter leads the music. More than once, I've gone to church early for a meeting and then have had to sit and watch as the meeting begins and there is no one to lead the music. It's frustrating.
This Sunday, I was just happy to be going to church. Happy to be able to partake of the sacrament and renew my covenants. We sat towards the front, behind a family with eight kids, must be Utah.
One of the young boys was struggling with whether or not he was going to go up to the front. He'd look over at a friend, trying to coerce him to go with him, no luck. Finally, with less than 10 minutes left, he got up.
I thought, if he could do it so could I. Now, I bear my testimony almost every month. I like to talk, most codependents do. I have a strong testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I know who Heavenly Father is. I know Joseph Smith saw them both and restored Jesus' church here on the earth. I KNOW these things. I have since I was 16.
Sitting on the stand, waiting, I knew I had something important to say. This is my testimony:
I have always had a testimony of this church. I know it is the true church here upon the earth. I know who Heavenly Father is. I know what Jesus Christ did for me. What I didn't know was that I was worth His love.
The saying goes, I am a child of God and He LOVES me. There is no "but" to this statement. There is no He would love me, but I sin. But my house is dirty, but I'm not perfect, but I dyed my son's hair blue, but my dogs peed on the floor. This statement is a stand alone statement. He LOVES me. Every second of every day. It is something I need to believe in and know.
I am worth that love. I am worth His love. I am worth so much. I have value.
I spoke from the heart and said things I know were true. I returned to my seat and knew I was worth it.
The rest of the day was peaceful, until I realized the object of my codependency was arriving in the morning.