The craziness was gone. I no longer wanted to control anyone but myself. I didn't want to worry or wonder what my husband was up to. I just wanted to heal.
So what to do next? The books were read and they talked about lots of things to do, but the most important was to realize I can't change anyone else. I need to love myself.
I spent a few hours looking for a local Al-anon meeting. I found one 20 minutes from my house and made plans to attend at 7:00 p.m.
I spent most of the day playing with my son and not being upset because I wasn't doing something. I was doing something. I was doing something really important. I felt peace for the first time in my life.
I went to my second kick boxing class. It was AWESOME to beat the crap out of a bag.
My first Al-Anon meeting was odd. I listened to people talking a lot about enabling and how they needed to stop. I enjoyed the meeting. There were parts I liked and parts I didn't. I didn't like that they didn't seem to know who their higher power was. I know and believe in Heavenly Father. I know He loves me. He is amazing.
I went home and found a meeting for "Family members and friends of those who struggle with addiction" through the Church's Addiction Recovery Program. I reached out to the group leaders and made a mental note to attend a meeting in two weeks, as I would be out of town. I then looked for meetings close to where I was vacationing. It is essential to KNOW you are NOT alone.
I wasn't trying to control anyone. I had peace. It was amazing. Maybe this codependency thing was real. Maybe there was hope for me.