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Day 8

TUESDAY

I found out I was codependent a week ago. Amazing. I'm not healed. It isn't all better. I am learning what my triggers are. I'm trying to define what is codependent and what is motherly help.

Sitting inside all day, is NOT a good idea. I need to take time EVERYDAY for myself.

I noticed when my daughter comes into the room, I immediately brace myself for her mood. If she's happy, all is well. If she's sad, it's draining. If she's mad, watch out. Her moods shouldn't harm me. She's barely a teenager. She thinks she knows everything and she's wrong.

I see codependent behaviors in her and it worries me. What have I done to my children?

I had to get out of the house. I had to go for a walk. I literally felt crazy creeping into my brain. Walks really do amazing things for your brain.

As we were driving through the canyon, I started to remember some happy moments from my childhood. I don't have many. I remembered going to the Red and White and getting swirl ice cream with candy coated pieces. I remember all the M&Ms my grandmother had stored in her closet, for her vending machines. I remember being pushed in the tire swing when we went to my grandfather's cabin, up North. I remember the smoked fish, it was yummy. 

Good things happened. I guess it was just easier to remember the bad.