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Day 1

TUESDAY

For months, I've had the feeling I needed to let my husband go. So I had been working on that. I felt that I had successfully detached myself and didn't need my husband. The more I prayed the more I got a prompting that I needed to let him go. I didn't understand, so I asked.  

I got an image in my mind of my husband floating in water and me holding on to the bottom of his jacket. I was drowning and he was trying so hard to stay afloat, but he was failing.

I needed to really let go of him, so I did. On Tuesday, I woke up in a state of panic. I felt like I was all alone, standing on the edge of a cliff and I didn't know what to do. I emailed my therapist, she didn't reply and I was frantic.

I said a silent prayer and was prompted to Google "Codependent Relationships".

The light came on. I started to read and KNEW I was codependent. I sent my therapist a message and told her that I was codependent and she responded, "You are definitely codependent. I apologize for not stating that to you, before The Lord mentioned it."

I searched online for codependency books, because I needed to understand what I had.

I came across a pack of books by Melody Beattie. I began reading 
Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself.

I ordered the Google Books version. I spent most of the night trying to get the voice over to work, so I could have the book read to me. My dyslexia makes it hard for me to read. Needless to say, it didn't work too well. 

I went home and I couldn't wait to tell my husband, except when I got home he was mad at me, he refused to talk to me. So I spent time on the couch reading. I couldn't make him listen to me. My craziness was fading. I read until 11:00 p.m.