Day 12

SATURDAY

Today was difficult for me. We went out as a family to eat dinner. This usually stresses me out, more than I would like to admit. Dinner was nice. I let my husband talk, which is something he says I don't do. It was nice to be quiet and just enjoy the conversation. Again, this is very hard for me. Quiet scares me.  

I had a chance to apologize to another person on my list. I truly feel horrible for the way I've treated people. After dinner, I was talking with my husband's sisters and mom. I had this overwhelming feeling I needed to apologize for how I had treated their brother / son over the past 24 years. I feel like I have mistreated him and they've had to just watch and accept it. It was heart wrenching to realize how I had hurt them. It was also was nice to know I won't be treating him that way any more.

I asked my oldest daughter how she thought I was doing. She said when everyone arrived, I was trying to be controlling, which I can see that, I was panicked when everyone arrived. She said I seem much calmer now. Happier. 

I am calmer. I am happier. Peace is amazing.